mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
