They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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