I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
