Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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