You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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