this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize