Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
