He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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