So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
