Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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