where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
