He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
