3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize