perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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