I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
