? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize