I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this will be a night to untag.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
