just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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