I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
