"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm like, not good at living.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
