Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
