so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
