I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize