im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
