i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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