No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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