Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just cropdusted the office
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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