I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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