tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
