My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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