i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize