I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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