You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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