I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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