No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
