Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Small penises have feelings too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
