That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize