@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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