Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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