We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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