True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
