I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
