do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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