we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
