vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
