is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
