how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
