is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
