so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
