Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
