Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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