this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
where are my eyebrows?
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