Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
