I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
