Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We're facebook friends in real life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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