Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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