she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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