remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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