I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
