and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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