just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
