do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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