I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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