I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize