my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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