I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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