You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
