apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Farmville is her only friend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
