Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
