remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
