Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize