I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
