Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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