When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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