walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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